Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
