He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
sarcasm needs its own font
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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