Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
