you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
