Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Randomize
