My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Randomize
