and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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