ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
