Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
