dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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