i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
