I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
