You really coming over, don't trick.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
