Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
