my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
