apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
