Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
