your thong is hanging out like whoa
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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