There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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