i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
