I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
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