I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
