It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
