Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
