oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
