Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
