dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
