I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
