who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
