Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
