he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Randomize
