drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
