I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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