dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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