broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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