Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
