WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
