Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize
