She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Randomize
