The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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