If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
