The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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