Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Sorry my hands just texted you
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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