Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Randomize
