Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
How external is "for external use only"?
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Randomize
