Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I think people are normalizing furries
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
