Four minutes until I can fart!
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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