I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize
