I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Randomize
