Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
