Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
